QUOTE (angrezi @ Mar 8 2005, 02:46 AM)
This may be a rather personal subject, but I'm curious if anyone has memories or impressions from previous lifetimes that they care to share?
I have a little bit different approach to the whole thing. Instead of going to a psychic which will tell me all kind of far out stories, I kind of extrapolate based on myself, my own thoughts and intospections and go back from where it could have come from.
There was in the 19:th cenury, in India. South India, as far as I understand. There was a reasonable wealthy businessman, and he had 7 (or 8) sons, and one daughter. That business man had the normal dream of power of a vaisya, and wanted to be a brahmana and guru. So he took birth in the west, and became a guru in the ISKCON movement, bringing all his sons, and his daughter, with him as his nearest disciples. Those disciples later betrayed him, but that is another story.
That's the external story. I was the daughter. HKS felt that quite strongly, and always protected me like that, and I saw him as my father (not my guru). He always tried to marry me away, but somehow or other it never worked out. The important point was that I could see how all the sons got education, how they got their own households, and how they also got spiritual education, but I, as a woman in India, could not take part in any of that. Men were only interested in me because of my beauty, and not my brains and abilities, although I probably was as intelligent as my brothers, although not in business. In India, a daughter has less value than a son, and particularly, as my father saw money and status as a success, I always felt that I was a failure in his eyes. (actually, I could feel it even in this) I really wanted to be someone else, somewhere else. I could also see the british ladies, visiting India, and was so impressed by the possiblities they had, and their freedom. I felt completely trapped in a social system that just wanted to strangle me.
So, in this life, I took birth in a family, that practically have no family relations, and in a country where you are very free to persue your own plans. I kind of was destined to take up the spiritual training that I so much coveted before, and become a disciple of a guru that was my previous father. And I really wanted to show him that I could do as good as his sons.
My ISKCON time came to a very sharp end, and it was about the same time that my guru/father said - you have proved that you can be as good, no actually better (as your brothers, as the men)! At that point, the whole thing just fell apart for me, and I am again back of persuing my own path.
This also puts ISKCON into a different perspective. The pure nitya-siddha devotees, just turns out to be Indians/hindus with ambitions. Birds of a feather flock together, so you can probably find similar stories for the other gurus.
HKS knew that his leading disciples was his sons from a previous life pretty early. I knew of my part not until it was all over. Maybe that is as it goes.
As far as religion goes, I was not into Vaisnavism before. I don't know how it came about. Maybe as the mercy of a Vaisnava, who was also my love. My husband was a rascal, and I just spit on his memory, if I have any.