sheer stupidity, bizarre GV beliefs Options

[syamasundaradasa]

Just to strengthen my own lack of faith in some statements of gaudiya vaisnavism which are nothing more than sheer stupidity I am inviting posts of the most bizarre things heard in gv circles.

"The sea is salty because a muni urinated in it !"

Please help me maintain my sanity by posting bizzare statements of GV, I dont want to beat my intellect into the submission that I am not capable of understanding the truth and it is my tiny intellect that is at fault not the nonsense I've heard like "moon being further from the sun !"

[Ananda]

These sorts of folk legend are present in every culture, the mythical origins of things, and I find them charming in their own way, just as I enjoy a good fairytale or a movie. It's only when people start turning them into absolute scientific truths that things get a bit wonky.

[ePiTau]

when a person becomes initiated by a bona fide GV guru it is like pulling the plug and the fan slows down

well, on second thoughts this isn't so stupid, because when the sh*t hits there's less damage

[zanardi]

when a person becomes initiated by a bona fide GV guru it is like pulling the plug and the fan slows down

well, on second thoughts this isn't so stupid, because when the sh*t hits there's less damage

Hii hii haa haa! That slowing down is so true on many levels. I could mention many things that slowed down after the initiation process was completed.

One of my favourite funny memories come from the place nowadays called HK-center. There was a lecture or some sort of speach going on and Vegavan told us about the majestic Milk Ocean. One younger devotee raised his hand, wanting to ask about the milk. He was bothered about the milk, if it ever got sour . First there was a long silence. I quess people really thought about it for awhile, but finally Vegavan said to him angrily: "You fool! Of course that milk is transcendental!".

It is transcendental, of course. That explained so many things that we could not understand.

[Chanahari]

My ultimate favorite was the leprosy thing. I must admit that I don't know whether it is really shastric, or just a "Prabhupada said"... all in all, if someone drinks milk that has some salt in it, they will get leprosy, even if both the milk and salt was sterile.

I even held a demonstration once, mostly to disprove the infallibility of either the shastras or Prabhupada, by ingesting a glass of milk, with a liberal amount of salt mixed in it. Of course, I'm not leprous. My (karmi) mother, on the other hand, chastised me for doing so: "You really shouldn't experiment on your own health and body, my son. Better be careful." She had more faith in the scriptures than I had. Nowadays, I am far more permissive about the value of the scriptures than I was back then - if one carefully applies their critical intellect while studying them, one can find moral and spiritual development in them. Spiritually, they can be helpful. The contents regarding the material world are often better left aside though.

Most of the shastric cosmology is in this category, for example. If you want to learn geography or astronomy, better choose another book; if you want to go to preach on another planet, don't use the Bhagavata Purana as your navigation handbook.

[Sita]

I remember when I was teaching in Vrindaban and reading about Matsya Avatar with the teenage students I taught. One of them very thoughtfully asked, if the fish kept getting bigger and bigger and was finally so big that it was as large as the whole ocean, how could it be contained in the tiny pool and who could throw it back into the ocean? I said that I didn't know; that it was a good question, and that I'd ask Jagadisa. Of course, the predictable response was, that we had to take it on transcendental faith. Right. I bet that really helped solidify that boy's faith.

[zanardi]

I remember one lady asking a question about love. Her worry was, that if our love for Krsna just keeps on increasing and increasing, would we not just blow up in the end?

[Dhyana]

I remember one lady asking a question about love. Her worry was, that if our love for Krsna just keeps on increasing and increasing, would we not just blow up in the end?

Answer: Yes, transcendentally.

[Kalisurfer]

I really had to try hard to remember a few ISKCONisms, and nothing was coming up, so instead of feeling perplexed or worried about the sudden onset of Alzheimer’s … I realized that I’m finally letting go of this strange past experience, actually forgetting things I want to forget! Then, like a sudden thunderstorm out of the blue, there it was, a voice from the past saying “Oriental people were descendents of snakes.” NO, no—go away voice … then a shadowy whispering that said,” Mother Theresa was a rakshasa who drank the blood of her poor patients.” (must have been a jealousy thing for a Catholic wearing a sari to get so much do-gooder publicity?) So I immediately put on some Stooges music and cleaned my ears with a Q-tip dipped in hydrogen peroxide , exorcizing any other past ISKCONisms that lingered, ahh yes, those two did come up … but so many others have simply …. and happily … just faded away.

[zanardi]

So I immediately put on some Stooges music and cleaned my ears with a Q-tip dipped in hydrogen peroxide , exorcizing any other past ISKCONisms that lingered, ahh yes, those two did come up … but so many others have simply …. and happily … just faded away.

Yes please, you can happily and simply forget the nasty things, but do not forget the bizarre and funny, like the ones you shared here. It is, if nothing else, a good reality check.

[syamasundaradasa]

then a shadowy whispering that said,” Mother Theresa was a rakshasa who drank the blood of her poor patients.”

That is so crazy people actually believe and preach this kind of garbage it is enough to put some people in the hospital.
I also once heard that in mecca there is a shalagram sila and all the muslims once a year do parikram to it!

[Chanahari]

For a more on-topic post, for shyamasundaradasa:

How about eggplant as an anti-bhakti crop, having a stronger power than the Holy Name? It is said in Hari-bhakti-vilasa, that consumers off eggplant cannot have any devotion towards Krishna; eating it will remove any bhakti from the heart. It wouldn't bother me, being an ardent hater of all things eggplant - but I know some individuals with a way above average level of bhakti, not shown on sankirtan results tables, but apparent in every way they are doing things and speak - and yet, they do partake of the incriminated vegetable, even sharing it with the One who supposedly inspired the above statement.

Do you eat onions? Or, better yet, do you eat carrots? If you answer "no" to the first, you should be consequential by abstaining from the latter too - because both of these are sinful things to eat, along with - if I remember well - red lentils. The Puranic story has it that a muni's wife wanted to imitate her husband with the sacrifica thing and killed a cow (as it is done in sacrifices). But she didn't have the brahma-tejas to do it properly, so instead of the cow being resuscitated (as it should have been done) it just continued to bleed, and from this blood, onions, carrots and red lentils were born (as these species are not included in the 8.400.000 original species). So eating them is like eating cow blood.

[Ananda]

I have split a number of posts into a topic called Dealing with Taboos of Sexuality in the Radha-Krishna tradition to give it the focus it needs, and to keep this one on topic.

[Brainiac]

One year I was helping out at Janmastami which meant that I finished my duties at 2am. I figured there wasn't much point in sleeping given mangal-arati in a couple of hours (4.30am) and the Nandotsava/Prabhupada birthday celebrations after that. So I went off to the bathroom for a quick shave and a shower.

While shaving, a brahmachari solemnly told me that it was inauspicious to shave at that hour because.. I forget exactly, but it was along the lines of being haunted by a ghost.

Needless to say, I ignored him and carried on shaving.

[Ananda]

Taking a bath too early can get you snatched into netherworlds, as seen in Nanda's capture and rescue by Krishna. I think it's around 2:30 or wherever that some observe as the "allowed bath start time". As you can see, there are interesting permutations to the myth. Also food eaten before sunrise is known to lead to an unholy result.

[Homer]

Cutting one's nails inside will attract thieves always made me laugh and another one is if a woman conceives a child while on top of the man then the resultant child will be a homosexual.

Actually, for myself, the whole business of following the example of (mythical) personalities who lived centuries ago seems pretty stupid.

[angrezi]

Actually, for myself, the whole business of following the example of (mythical) personalities who lived centuries ago seems pretty stupid.

certainly as stupid as following the example of modern-day morons, which is also pretty popular these days.

[Ananda]

certainly as stupid as following the example of modern-day morons, which is also pretty popular these days.

I believe the correct wording is "latter-day".

[Kalisurfer]

Hey ... some of my best friends and family are morons, enough of this moron bashing!!!! Though I do like the idea of the Latter Day Morons, a fellowship in which when you die, you get to live eternally with your moron loved ones in whatever body you last had on earth.

Isn't it interesting on how the morons are always somebody else ... over there somewhere?

[Homer]

Actually, for myself, the whole business of following the example of (mythical) personalities who lived centuries ago seems pretty stupid.

certainly as stupid as following the example of modern-day morons, which is also pretty popular these days.

I am unsure what is happening here (Mr Jones) but I can't see my cursor and the art of typing below the quote has become a hit and miss affair.

As far as Latter Day Morons; I think Forest Gump got it about right.