Close Friends of the Opposite Sex? Common/Uncommon, Do you have close friends opposite Sex? Options

[Vanguard]

I'm not one of those brahminical brahmachari types, but I do think this;

I have one or more close friends of the opposite sex, and i do think of having sex with them sometimes, but we stay as friends.

While becoming increasingly normal in today's western society, creates undue stress upon the individual. Friends of the opposite gender are good to have, providing the "feelings" are not there on either side. If they are, then they're pretty much doomed on a ladder that's non-transferable, and they ought to jump off it and fulfill their desire elsewhere.

[Dhyana]

ok...rolled off topic AGAIN...I try so hard not to..but it seems so often when writing, one thing related to another and then another...so it goes..
will try not to , I need to get into the 'quick reply' mode...
I will make an effort Tap..I promise.

Your texts are entertaining, dear Robin, and I enjoy reading them. You should be a columnist, with your verve and writing style! But it's true, it's a question of dosage and also context. Once I have read through a text of yours, I have to scratch my head trying to remember what the topic was about, in which you have posted it... But please do keep them coming. Just press that Add Reply button when it still feels like you have tons to say!

I am the nicest person I know,

Ok...well best guy 1 is on his way to pick up gal in crisis's dog for me , have to run...

Never a dull moment!

[Dhyana]

Friends of the opposite gender are good to have, providing the "feelings" are not there on either side. If they are, then they're pretty much doomed on a ladder that's non-transferable, and they ought to jump off it and fulfill their desire elsewhere. 

I have a different opinion... or maybe I have a different kind of situation in mind than you, Vanguard? Occasionally I pick up "vibes" (mostly probably my own) after I have made a new male friend or colleague. These are not people I interact with very closely, but it could be people I have unique exchanges with, or people who I meet at work. I may find myself fantasizing. Nothing advanced, but definitely something romantic. This has happened a handful times during my 12-year old marriage, and it has never led to any trouble. The feelings were there for a short while and then dispersed, leaving place for "pure" friendship and camaraderie. While they lasted, I took them with a half-smile, half-distance. They were like an extra spice, a taste that would wear off soon.

I am very happily married and I never had any urge to do anything about these occasional crushes. I didn't flirt.

It seems to me that if I took these feelings serious, got worried and tried to do something to get rid of them, I would have created a problem that wasn't there from the start!

[Emma]

How many mums out there are overwhelmed by the sheer volume and price of diapers ?

Well this is OT but since you brought up diapers ME! I order them online and i buy 300 nappies at a time for the twins which lasts just over a month and the girls still wear pullups at night so we go thru about 60 a month of those too. I have run out of those ones at the moment tho so i went down and bought a big pack of huggies and boy was it expensive! Twice the price of what I pay at babyonline website.

[0robinladybudd0]

geesh Emma...
I sure wish you lived closer ...
Rhiannon is 8 and 52 lbs so hers are the x large and douple tapes (works as well as pull ups, use set of tapes, pull one set off for potty and second set goes on)

Before I donated to pantry I made sure none of the gals in complex needed them..I had one gal I was giving easy 300 diapys a pop,
and found out she wasnt using them...she was selling them for drugs!!!

So I decided a safer bet was pantry, they distribute as needed.

The drama queens dog is gone, but best guy 2(thorin) came over (the one here when she did her garlic drama) and she saw we were getting ready for our usual bimonthy nahcos, popcorn and movie and plumped herself down ..'sigh'
THEN asked if she could prevail on him a favor "they spoke of other night....oooooh secrets already... " He said na too tired..

I always walk him and boys too if they there as well, to the car when leaving,just manners , i dont like shutting a door behind someone..and she shooed me outta MY hallway !
says.."oh ill tell u later"....well she has a crush on tom felton (malfoy from harry potter) and sent him elaborite bday gift of godiva and such...and always reiterates this fantasy romance to others with out name(im only one who knows) ohhh brother...she really thinks he is going to not see her for the groupie nut she is..and RUN..
so she HAD to tell thorin how giddy she was with an adress change to email to him, waiting a response to 'how did you like pressie of choccys?"( i bet he had them checked for magic love potions ) HAHAHAHAHA oops that was mean...

Well thorin knows WHO it is...told him sometime ago...but seriousely..she always gets in these fantasy romancees, non existant (the magician at celtic fest this year and was so pissed when she found he married because he flirted w her..(no he didnt..its his job..a renesaince courtier magician..and she read way too much into it, even calling him at office to 'do an interview') drives me boinkers oops bonkers ...lol...(freudian slip?)

I am sooo kicking myself..but she spending night at my guy1's(jamie) house to be close to dog, and will be doing a few nights away there too when paul here...(damn straight she will )
she told guy1 jamie...that if IF? dog stays there a few weeks ..ARRGGHHHHH!!!
I told her a few days !!

Told her this am...'hey... I told you im breaking my leases as is, its a short term temp stay..but get a place fast...i didnt mean 'find a job wait 2 weeks for check and move then'....told you to get on homeless shelter list and they get you a place fast,,, THIS IS TEMPORARY SHORT TERM!

I'd pull her hair out before too long... but mercifully she likes to get up and out for the day... so I might just be still pissed re last night...besides...i dislike her cat..fat and shedding everywhere...and weird too because I adore LOVE cats...
but im nice to it..just not 'fond' of it..mahaps dislike too strong a word and projecting my pissy mood on poor thing...

lurve u too dhyana....your posts ALWAYS make me smile...

not TOO off topic here...the drama IS involving 2 guys my best guy friends and 2 guy cats...so that outnumbers me and drama queen
and actually kinda showing the dynamics of friendships with same and opposite sex I guess in a way...
I had jamie (guy1) cracking up on phone with garlic story today) ..he has 2 housecleaning jobs for me, and I already see her horning in on one....his...but hey..oh well ...she can do initial clean which is always the worst ..and I just pick up from there lol...
and he wouldnt dream of getting her the other one....he knows I need it. And...he could get a kinda payment from her for taking on the dog (although he LOVES animals and do for free...and when I pick up, its just clearing debt I owe him for helping me last couple months with mum taking rhiannons money...thats done, but it got paul and I way behind..blimey..attorney is 4000!!!! this time alone!
but he has huge plans for Rhiannon so we will have fun no worries...
and besides...Jamie ALWAYS grills an awesome veggie on grill outside dinner.YUMMMY!!!

Paul and I would be a great he /she friend story...sure I mentioned alot of it somewhere how we met on line and so far apart..were just good friends...GREAT friends...
and well...we all know were THAT led too...and funny...no sexual feelings to start either....(at least ot on my part changed fast when I saw the legs and PILLOWS though!! LOL!!

OK guys and gals.....off to get the fairie in bed..she did great homework tonight after falling 2 weeks behind, 7 pages!!!! and all right !!!! WHOOO HOOO!!!!
Life is beautiful

sending extra hugs and positive energy via the board to every one...LESS THAN 2 DAYS AND HE IS HOME !!!!WHOOO HOOO!!!
slainte'
hugs
Robin aka Rhiannons mum

This post has been edited by robinladybudd: Oct 24 2006, 01:38 AM

[Prisni]

Before I moved into the temple years ago, I went to visit a psychic in order to get a reading on the upcoming big life decision…she told me that in my last life I was a wild Japanese monk who was kicked out of his spiritual community, rode horse back naked along the beaches while making love to the many women he ran into, breaking up marriages and causing relationship chaos everywhere, which caused the previous self to always be on the run from jealous husbands and boyfriends.

Quite a fantastic story. But then, I have a friend (some kind) that has a similar story, and who has also been an ISKCON devotee, so I believe you. Such a predicament can be a blessing or a curse,..., depending.......

[Prisni]

I am very happily married

That's something to be happy about It is quite rare.
Your husband has quite some good fortune meeting someone like you.


As for the poll, my first thought was "what is the opposite sex,..., actually". Now, I can figure it out, and it requires a kind of mental effort to figure out
...the answer.

It might be - what is the opposite sex?
or - I am a hopeless romantic, and can't avoid being romantically involved.

But neither is completely true.
Maybe it is rather - the only person I can imagine being romantically engaged with today is Krishna, and since I am not sure I believe there is such a person, let's just forget about the whole thing. sour grapes.

the rest - just friendship, no romance, my own sex, the opposite, both and neither.

The sex-division in ISKCON I think does not belong in a spiritual society.
Let's put the butter where it belongs - on top of the smörgås. Not in the fire.
They just got it all wrong.

[Chanahari]

By the way, what does this phrase mean?

the relationship between the sexes out of marriage should be "pass the salt"

 brine04.jpg ( 29.69K ) Number of downloads: 33

[Dhyana]

I am very happily married

That's something to be happy about It is quite rare.
Your husband has quite some good fortune meeting someone like you.

This is so sweet of you to say, Prisni But the way I feel is that I must have had some incredible good fortune meeting him. So maybe the truth is that we must have both been very lucky, somehow? While still in ISKCON, we sometimes jokingly speculated along the lines of "How did we amass so many pious credits to deserve this?" These days the "pious credits" hypothesis has lost its explanatory power, so we are back to pure luck!

As for the poll, my first thought was "what is the opposite sex,..., actually". Now, I can figure it out, and it requires a kind of mental effort to figure out
...the answer.

It might be - what is the opposite sex?
or - I am a hopeless romantic, and can't avoid being romantically involved.

But neither is completely true.
Maybe it is rather - the only person I can imagine being romantically engaged with today is Krishna, and since I am not sure I believe there is such a person, let's just forget about the whole thing. sour grapes.

This is just great and so much fun the way you say it, Prisni!
But if Krishna stands for all that is attractive, then maybe there is a chance of you meeting someone who carries enough of that attractiveness?

[metamorphosis]

By the way, what does this phrase mean?

the relationship between the sexes out of marriage should be "pass the salt"

Seriously you did not know? You must not have been a (false) Brahmacari.

I was told that the only interaction that i could have with a woman, since i was not married, was that i could ask her to "pass the salt" for my rice and dahl prasad, no other words were allowed!

[Chanahari]

Ah, I see. I never heard this slogan - maybe if I would live in a temple (thereby becoming a brahmacari - once some of my authorities, upon my question on which ashrama do I belong to, held a council and then declared that I'm a grhastha because I live independently and separately from the temple), I would have heard it.

This makes me remember a question I asked when I was almost completely new to KC. Once in a lecture, a temple devotee said that one should see all the women as his mothers. Then I asked how do brahmacaris marry - if they see every woman, except their non-existent wife, as their mothers, they can't see any woman as a future wife (after all, who would be engaged to his own mother?), therefore they are forced to remain brahmacari for life...

(The question was deemed "speculative", of course, and I got a speculative answer: "It is the spiritual master who declares to the brahmacari that this X.Y. mataji is not your mother but your future wife". And I missed the opportunity to ask back "And what about those who, yet or already, don't have a spiritual master?" )

I found so much pleasure to ask such questions...

[Prisni]

This makes me remember a question I asked when I was almost completely new to KC. Once in a lecture, a temple devotee said that one should see all the women as his mothers.

KC meeting the 21:st century......

The human population is divided into two kinds, male and female. Such a rule as you mention is certainly outdated, since it only applies to half the human population. That kind of vision might have been useful in some kind of medieval India, but is now gone even in contemporary India.

Yet another example of ISKCON as a kind of medieval Indian version of SCA. Everything was better before, so let's pretend that we live in that time and age by dressing up as (we imagine) they did, and then pretend we are a character from that time.

[Brainiac]

This makes me remember a question I asked when I was almost completely new to KC. Once in a lecture, a temple devotee said that one should see all the women as his mothers. Then I asked how do brahmacaris marry - if they see every woman, except their non-existent wife,  as their mothers, they can't see any woman as a future wife (after all, who would be engaged to his own mother?), therefore they are forced to remain brahmacari for life...

(The question was deemed "speculative", of course, and I got a speculative answer: "It is the spiritual master who declares to the brahmacari that this X.Y. mataji is not your mother but your future wife". And I missed the opportunity to ask back "And what about those who, yet or already, don't have a spiritual master?" )

I found so much pleasure to ask such questions...

That style of thinking is there in the Yogananda group, because Yogananda taught that even married couples should see each other as brother and sister, and that husbands should refer to the wives as 'mother' and wives to their husbands as 'father'. I always found that weird.

I found the answer to your question directly from SP. I read somewhere that he said that men/brahmacharis should regard all women as their mothers except their wives. I found that a pleasing contrast to the weird Yogananda ideas, a good contrast between respecting all women and yet seeing your wife in the "proper" way, as a wife and not a mother.

[Chanahari]

I found the answer to your question directly from SP. I read somewhere that he said that men/brahmacharis should regard all women as their mothers except their wives. I found that a pleasing contrast to the weird Yogananda ideas, a good contrast between respecting all women and yet seeing your wife in the "proper" way, as a wife and not a mother.

But that is exactly that makes the question arise.

I should see every woman as my mother, except my wife.
I don't have a wife yet.
Therefore I should see every woman as my mother.
Therefore I can't ever get married, because nobody should get engaged to his own mother, and there is no women in the world I should see otherwise.

[Chanahari]

By the way, my answer was to decide that Chanakya meant it for grhastha men only.

[metamorphosis]

I found the answer to your question directly from SP. I read somewhere that he said that men/brahmacharis should regard all women as their mothers except their wives. I found that a pleasing contrast to the weird Yogananda ideas, a good contrast between respecting all women and yet seeing your wife in the "proper" way, as a wife and not a mother.

But that is exactly that makes the question arise.

I should see every woman as my mother, except my wife.
I don't have a wife yet.
Therefore I should see every woman as my mother.
Therefore I can't ever get married, because nobody should get engaged to his own mother, and there is no women in the world I should see otherwise.

It is more that you have tricked your mind to think respectively, not that you have tricked the temple authority or Chanakya Pandit with your word juggling!  1.gif ( 8.56K ) Number of downloads: 30


I just heard a nice interview on NPR w/Fresh Air, and an African Woman who is now a politician talking about a time when many woman protesters were being beaten by the army. She said that in Africa, all woman help out with child rearing, including offering their breast to any child in need. She explained (very well) how in Africa, all women are seen as Mother too. Especially if the man is near the same age as the woman's children, the man must respect her as Mother. During that time when the woman were being beaten by the army men, the women all took off much of their cloths to expose their breast to the men of the age where they must see these women as Mother. It worked and the young army men stopped the beating, and the head army guy was soon removed from power, and the women's action, was seen as partly responsible for the change.

By the way, i see that the women in our poll, have 2x as many Close Friends of the opposite sex, who want to keep it just as friends.

[Preyobrazhenya]

By the way, what does this phrase mean?

the relationship between the sexes out of marriage should be "pass the salt"

Seriously you did not know? You must not have been a (false) Brahmacari.

I was told that the only interaction that i could have with a woman, since i was not married, was that i could ask her to "pass the salt" for my rice and dahl prasad, no other words were allowed!

I think the first words you ever said to me were rather close: "Make ghee, mataji, make ghee."

[metamorphosis]

   Seriously you did not know? You must not have been a (false) Brahmacari.

       I was told that the only interaction that i could have with a woman, since i was not married, was that i could ask her to "pass the salt" for my rice and dahl prasad, no other words were allowed!

I think the first words you ever said to me were rather close: "Make ghee, mataji, make ghee."

Hahahaha! I never was one to follow "cent percent" but i was good at pretending. Good that you can remember, it is fun to hear, thanks. Mother Prabhu Pretty Face Matushka

[Prisni]

I finally voted too, and funny enough, I find myself in a majority.

The reason is that I came to think about something that Ek once said, a very long time ago, about what he thought about the opposite sex, and I find that the same situation applies pretty good to me. So if I turn it around, I find that men just want young pretty girls, or women they can dominate as a kind of slaves, or possibly to have sex with. Even those who "fall down" from a kind of spiritual platform, you often find getting such partners. Amazing.

[Tapati]

Forget the salt; pass the ammunition! Mama's gotta clean house!