Close Friends of the Opposite Sex? Common/Uncommon, Do you have close friends opposite Sex? Options

[metamorphosis]

I have never had a close relationship with a woman, and it is hard for me to even relate to, to understand how it can be done. I would like to have such, but i think i would be thinking of too much to just be friends.

So i present this poll to see just how common it is among us atleast.

[Preyobrazhenya]

I have never had a close relationship with a woman, and it is hard for me to even relate to, to understand how it can be done. I would like to have such, but i think i would be thinking of too much to just be friends.

So i present this poll to see just how common it is among us atleast.

For me the next to last answer was the best. Most of my friends are male and they are platonic. Often early on in the relationship, there might have been romantic feelings, but once that cooled over there was never any problem again for me.

Most of my female friends are all cyber-friends that I only hang with online. I only have two close female friends and both live far from my home.

A cool thing happened today that one of these two female friends of mine came out to me as genderqueer like myself so it will be interesting to see where this goes!

GG Meta Prabhu: imagine your female friend as blood, pus, urine & stool, etc.. Think of nights up with babies crying and bad PMS days. Imagine your precious love getting some physical problem and blowing up into a blimpie like me! Imagine the woman being upset because you can't read her mind! These are all the wonderful things that come with romance. This might cure you fast. Be willing to have fun and good times with your friends of any sex.

This is a true story I read today from another board I hang out on: a guy was travelling to work on the commuter train and eyed a hot chick that he was flirting somewhat with. There was some wonder whether this might be a mutual thing but as the woman got up to get off as she came by, she fell ill and vomited over the guy's shoes. How's that for an introduction? Given the strong sex drive, the guy still seemed interested.

p.s. I can be your good platonic friend!!!

[0dayalu0]

I have never had a close relationship with a woman, and it is hard for me to even relate to, to understand how it can be done. I would like to have such, but i think i would be thinking of too much to just be friends.

So i present this poll to see just how common it is among us atleast.

So I must have blown your mind with my advice on women. How absurd even you should ask me that let alone how openly I answered. I am as friendly with women as I am men. Sex or the idea of it can cause such complexes, are you embarrased because your senses are not under your control? God forbid you should put your difficulty in front of someone who could do something about it! How humilating that you should be maya's servant!

[Emma]

I have never had a close relationship with a woman, and it is hard for me to even relate to, to understand how it can be done. I would like to have such, but i think i would be thinking of too much to just be friends.

So i present this poll to see just how common it is among us atleast.

So I must have blown your mind with my advice on women. How absurd even you should ask me that let alone how openly I answered. I am as friendly with women as I am men. Sex or the idea of it can cause such complexes, are you embarrased because your senses are not under your control? God forbid you should put your difficulty in front of someone who could do something about it! How humilating that you should be maya's servant!

geez i think im nissing something here!
I dont have any close friends that are male but i do believe it is possible

[angrezi]

the thing is you can't put the p*ssy on a pedestal as they say

[Brainiac]

Find a nice girl with Herpes to be friends with.

I'm friends with a lot of girls, including "hot" ones. And you know the most frustrating thing of all? The hottest girl is a raging nymphomaniac who has herpes, so I dare not touch that. Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhh is this divine justice ?!?!?!?!

[Dhyana]

So I must have blown your mind with my advice on women. How absurd even you should ask me that let alone how openly I answered. I am as friendly with women as I am men. Sex or the idea of it can cause such complexes, are you embarrased because your senses are not under your control? God forbid you should put your difficulty in front of someone who could do something about it! How humilating that you should be maya's servant!

(Mod hat on)

Dear Dayalu,

I do not quite understand what you mean, but I gather that Metamorphosis has asked you in private some questions, which you answered, also in private, whereupon he started this poll.
If a forum member has had private exchanges with another member via PM:s or e-mail, then the content should be kept as intended: private. This is especially called-for if the topic is sensitive, and if the kind of feedback you wish to give contains criticism or could be read as sarcasm.

(This works the other way round too, of course. For example, we would be unhappy if our reply to someone's PM were then publicized or commented upon by that person without our permission. Not to imply that you or Meta have done this -- this is just a general comment.)

[metamorphosis]

Dear Dayalu,

I do not quite understand what you mean, but I gather that Metamorphosis has asked you in private some questions, which you answered, also in private, whereupon he started this poll.
If a forum member has had private exchanges with another member via PM:s or e-mail, then the content should be kept as intended: private. This is especially called-for if the topic is sensitive, and if the kind of feedback you wish to give contains criticism or could be read as sarcasm.

(This works the other way round too, of course. For example, we would be unhappy if our reply to someone's PM were then publicized or commented upon by that person without our permission. Not to imply that you or Meta have done this -- this is just a general comment.)

Yeah, he wrote that thinking this poll was in inspired by a PM, but the PM he thought he sent got lost and i never saw it. This poll is inspired by my own negative feelings and lack of experience with having any friends who are of the opposite sex. I voted for line #6

[Chanahari]

Actually, the majority of my friends are "opposite". I never had any problem with not mixing sex into it. (But it kept our authorities always busy - they watched when will a lusty thought get through so they can catch me on it... )

[jean]

I have friends of both sexes and never had a problem with it really, I like women for problem sharing and sympathetic understanding, but men are usually more daring and fun and definatley much simpler to relate to. I work in an all male enviroment, and hava made friends there, I also draw clear boundaries early on with regards to any funny business, but somehow I never get trouble in that way(unlike some of my friends). I like having a good mix of different friends to hang out with and I love my gay male friends, who seem to have a bit of both qualities, what more can you ask for!

[Kalisurfer]

I have never had a close relationship with a woman, and it is hard for me to even relate to, to understand how it can be done. I would like to have such, but i think i would be thinking of too much to just be friends.

So i present this poll to see just how common it is among us atleast.

Throughout my whole life, it has been easier to be friends with women then men. I have always had close male friends too, but as I became older, it was far easier to relate to the openness and emotional understandings that most women I met exuded. This was extremely hard in my teenage years, when I was dying for a girlfriend and all I could muster up a few more friends, but it was good training in how to relate to a women in friendship once I finally found that deeper romantic relationship.

In my temple years, I also found it easier to relate to women as friends, but usually shut down developing good friendships due to the built in pier pressure not to do such things. As an adult too, more open communication and in-depth conversations seems to take place with women more so then with men, though again, this is not true with the few good male friends that I have. As far as having sexual feeling toward women friends, well, if they are good friends, why should that be there? I see real friendships as an extension of family, so that romantic attraction door is closed while your able to develop a compassionate caring relationship toward another human that goes beyond just the body and can last a lifetime.

It can happen that friends fall in love, but I have been fortunate enough not to have those boundary issues come up. Then again, once you’ve been married for 19 years and still love your wife, it is easier to have those boundaries, while perhaps when your still searching for someone to share your life with, it is a little harder to discern between friendship and romantic attraction?

[evakurvan]

Kalisurfer you are exceptional, I read in a psychology study that some exorbitant percentage of males and females in a relationship (like 95 percent!) fantasize sexually about people who are not their partners, like friends and co-workers.

[angrezi]

I couldnt have a hot lady friend that I wouldnt think about boning. I guess thats why I dont have any.

[daveseeker]

An interesting poll. I have always found I make friends easily with other men...but rarely (if ever) with women.

It really isn't because I want to be intimate with them. I just seem to relate more easily with other men. Not that I am attracted to any of them. I think that probably has to do with my shyness and my own insecurities (about my intellect, body, etc).

I feel some people of the opposite sex can be 'just friends'. I have never been able to pull that off myself.

Most of my current friends are...hmm, how shall I say, friends by proxy. People that Tapati knew, and I became friends with by association. I really don't have many of my 'own' friends at this point in my life. I have been burned by a few people who I thought were friends, but really were not. I now stay guarded and 'go it alone' as it were, most of the time.

[Brainiac]

I couldnt have a hot lady friend that I wouldnt think about boning. I guess thats why I dont have any.

What are friends for?

[Kalisurfer]

Kalisurfer you are exceptional, I read in a psychology study that some exorbitant percentage of males and females in a relationship (like 95 percent!) fantasize sexually about people who are not their partners, like friends and co-workers.

95%!!! Damn, I’m in the minority again!!!! Am I missing out on something? For once it would be nice to be in the majority about something…be it the music I like, the authors I read, the art I like, the TV and movies I watch, the sports teams I root for, the people I vote for…but no…always destined to be in the minority!

Before I moved into the temple years ago, I went to visit a psychic in order to get a reading on the upcoming big life decision…she told me that in my last life I was a wild Japanese monk who was kicked out of his spiritual community, rode horse back naked along the beaches while making love to the many women he ran into, breaking up marriages and causing relationship chaos everywhere, which caused the previous self to always be on the run from jealous husbands and boyfriends. Hence, I was karmicly burned out on the Amore of it all and that in this lifetime—I seeking respite in finding one strong relationship with a person and one strong traditional spiritual community to go back to.

Not sure it what she said was really true, but I’d like to think so now that I know I am one of the 5%ers who does not fantasize of boning all his female friends!

[Tapati]

An interesting poll. I have always found I make friends easily with other men...but rarely (if ever) with women.

It really isn't because I want to be intimate with them. I just seem to relate more easily with other men. Not that I am attracted to any of them. I think that probably has to do with my shyness and my own insecurities (about my intellect, body, etc).

I feel some people of the opposite sex can be 'just friends'. I have never been able to pull that off myself.

Most of my current friends are...hmm, how shall I say, friends by proxy. People that Tapati knew, and I became friends with by association. I really don't have many of my 'own' friends at this point in my life. I have been burned by a few people who I thought were friends, but really were not. I now stay guarded and 'go it alone' as it were, most of the time.

Hmm, it seems like you don't give yourself credit for some of your female "work" friends that have been platonic.

Or weren't they?

[metamorphosis]

I have plenty of friends who are girls, i am talking about Close friends of the opposite sex. Like in your best friend catagory.

[Preyobrazhenya]

I have plenty of friends who are girls, i am talking about Close friends of the opposite sex. Like in your best friend catagory.

My two closest friends are men - but they are gay so I don't know whether that counts or not?

[0robinladybudd0]

Cool poll,
but I couldve answered more than one topic.
more than 90% of my friends are guys,here, and consider a couple of them to be my BEST friends.

I have a couple gal friends but not as close as I am older and they still like the high school games of drama and such, so while I enjoy them for company for coffee and latest gossip, the last gal friend, ironically the one I am helping at moment with place to stay till she gets her own because of abusive situation...
actually she just recently hurt me quite badly , and is a bit of a drama queen, a fake and even then, I dont mind her company in very small doses.

I am an empath

But have my boundries

and stuck well to them last night when first she wanted her animals in her room upstairs and then a lit candle to read by,
rules here...no fire upstairs, no animals, except sassy Rhiannons kitty sometimes will lay next to the gate at her door for a short bit, and no smoking at all...part of why I sleep on couch, candles and smoking herbs till im ready to sleep and the couch much better on my back.

anyways...stuck to boundries..and when I have women friends I amvery careful that they dont overstep personal boundries...and women seem more inclined to push me on that than all my guy friends so...example..another gal insistes on even trying to sneak a glass or such in house w booze in it, cant even come over to chat w/out it. so rule now...dont visit after 5 when you started drinking...and her roomie whom I set her up with ..Steve (she is gay and very butch) can drink all day, come over and drink tea whislt watching a 2 hour movie w/o having to take a breakto run for a booze fix...he is another good guy friend.

My best gal friend Angela I adore...she is drama, sloppy messy, I hate her house,and worse , she is a buffy fluff bunnie.and omg the drama...but since mariied, cooled it a bit, but I often enjoyed her company when we lived closer and she came upstairs (apartments) for coffee and chat, and I go down to learn fine points of online dating lol..the OLD days.... Now we live in townhouses across complex from each other, and both vera busy w kids but see each other each morn at busstop...and I know she is THE person I can call on crisis here, and have her as emergency contact for my daughter.

All the men friends, a couple from high school years and one that ive had on and off benefits whilst single, but after marriage he still wanted it, and discreet, but Paul i love and adore I just couldnt, and he whilst single and after a couple would vera often call to come over, and I knew where he would try to go... so I even had to put distance between us awhile to gather strength even for myself because I have to admit it is VERY HOT with us..and although we never had romance together..we both did for each other at moments the other didnt, and now that he has a gal friend, but will always never be quite be 100% content , he is as close as ive seen him with a gal. So dinner soon again will be an option w no pressure.

My other guy friends...best ever...One especialy I can count on with my life, another one pretty recent but could be in that category...there may be a touch of romantic on his part but never said or acted on it...so we can spend hours adoring each others company and never an akward moment.

Prob is, Im introducing these friends to current gal living here, and she is a bit of a guy user, plys the charms, maid in distress, and I dont like seeing my friends used so.
Ive talked with one, and he already seen it a mile away when she did a fluffy freak out over garlic dip we having, on her second helping she was spreading on bread w fingers, upon being told garlic in it...screamed theatrically and rushed to sink to wash off her fingers blithering entire time till one of his boys made fun of her asking she some kinda vampire or something,disgusted, and realising she hadent suitably impressed them immediately played it down, back pedaling ,about how if it gets under her nails it burns,...OMG...'sigh'
And she was asking all favors from Thorin and wouldnt leave us alone for even a second...
she does monopolize company to an extreme...
'sigh'

My best gal friends are online, and although they have just as much capability of hurting me just as bad as my last 'best friend" (long story,but no close gals since then), I seem to be able to connect more with the gals here, it seemsas though they have often been through same if not similar sitations and wouldnt hesitate to meet many in person.
My best true gal friends here are "my gals" ironically , counselors who were assigned to me, and agree I am more the kind of gal they hang with aftre work than a 'case' Same goes for assistant manager here.
Mayhaps because of the nature of the complex (income based and section 8/HUD) alot of the gals here arent as educated, and its hard for me to find some that I can relate to.
I can pretty much be friends with anyone, but close friends I prefer to be intelligent, humerouse, VERY laid back but not so much so that they ignore responsibilties, prob is , 'my gals' professionlly its unethical to have friendships with 'cases' but have the feeling that one in particular we will sort something around that. Had done so with another of the group until we had togo back to a counseling relationship, but cps case manager thought we 'Too close" and we had to put space there to save her job.
In due time it will be ok again though.
Alot of my education is also of that nature so its harder, because we all see us more as a group of counselors AFTER work getting together to blither over coffee, unfortuantely Im included but not 'supposed to be' , and these are the gals that I have REAL friendships with.

Mayhaps that why I get on so well with most gals on this and a couple sites is they are of the same caliber if you will, ie, education and life experience wise.

Money never plays an issue in my friendships, because I myself have fallen into situational poverty, and know that its not all 'dead ass trashy, lazy, or nutso chicks' on the system. I have lived and been in the designer crowd most of my life but so what? I can give an unused Gucci bag to my pantry no problem, especially when I find a much more servicible sturdy leather no name bag.

No fib though,I do enjoy nicer things and will pick up a ralph lauren blouse if it suits me , but I dont limit myself to a designer only mentality.
Funnything, where I live, very posh area, and pantry is more inclined to have designer than regular clothes, and have on couple occasion even picked up a couple coach bags and extra nice things for friends, but I donate much if not more in the way of things desprately needed there (example..Rhiannon has free diapers delivered and sometimes we way oiverflow and I will run CASES of them to pantry....) How many mums out there are overwhelmed by the sheer volume and price of diapers ?
and even though her script could easily be reduced with a phone call, I just dont...not yet...I have no shame taking a bit advantage of medical system paying for it and my giving it to those in need....indeed , her specialty hopital bed,8,000 and her wheelchair/stroller 4,000 and carseat 1,800....I donated those instead of selling them. They were free to me via a crippled childrens fund..but not all are qualified for it and need these things but insurance wont pay...so I give to them.

ok...rolled off topic AGAIN...I try so hard not to..but it seems so often when writing, one thing related to another and then another...so it goes..
will try not to , I need to get into the 'quick reply' mode...
I will make an effort Tap..I promise.

I think for me I have a much better time with guys as friends, and I do a lot of guy things ...re hunting fishing ect and have a chick superbowl party every year that it seems like its going to be more guys...so lost the chick lable..but was fun while it lasted...
And most of the guys I know arent competative, catty, drama queens, and often not two faced. I tell it like it is...even if I am an empath..I will often tell a gal friend the truth what I think if she being drama or melodrama...so they tend to turn to other gals that enjoy that stuff more.

Guys on the other hand...good food, a good movie, good conversation, and they happy...especially GOOD FOOD lol...I love cooking and guy will compliment me where a gal will try to compete instead of compliment...I hate competeing unless its trivial pursuit....it gets old...been there done that...Im 42, and I dont have to prove shit to anyone. Im good at what I do, Im smart, and Ive lived a huge full interesting life that continues to be so....I dont have to pretend something im not, or try to impress....Ive already been there....
I dont like gals that fake french, good taste and cooking skills they only dream of...when they get there we can be friends...but if your going to sip my imported tea and go gossip to the next gal about me....feck off....

I am the nicest person I know, I am good company and I love to play and have grat conversation and watch good movies in silence without commentary, better yet, subtitles, and even tears too ! (need keetle corn and or choccy or choccy fondue or english cheese or brie and crusty bread.

Ok...well best guy 1 is on his way to pick up gal in crisis's dog for me , have to run...
will be on later...
hugsa and slainte' to all
Robin