Physical/Emotional LOVE "civil" UNIONS, this topic for helping to get together Options

[metamorphosis]

If tapati and the other mod.s think ok........

I had a thought that we could have here a place where single people could give a little description of themselves and what they are looking for in a "mate". I think this site would be perfect for people like us, since many of us do not fit into the various traditions. But because of that, sometimes it is hard to find the right mate.

And not wanting to leave anyone out, I would like to request those who have found the "perfect mate" to help us, who are "terminally" single! As well as those who have just become single or are not satisfied presently in their relationships. How to find the right mate, and how to avoid loosing our mates.

I want to put down what I am looking for myself, but mostly I am unsure and somewhat dissillusioned by the mating program. So hopefully this could be a place where others could link up, and I could learn from them.

[babu]

don't look for someone to fit the mold
look for that which feels great to hold

[Tapati]

We figured such a process might happen organically between members who discover that they share interests.

My only concern is this:

I want to be very, very sure that no member ends up being subjected to unwanted attention and made so uncomfortable by someone's attentions that they feel they have to leave. This goes for both (all) genders.

So can we have some guidelines?

We alluded to this in our rules:

8.) Sexual propositions are out of place at Gaudiya Repercussions and are grounds for being banned or having your account deleted. The gender of the parties involved is not an issue—everyone should feel secure from unwanted attentions.

However, short of blatant sexual propositions and innuendos, a member may feel pressured by another who won't take no for an answer when they keep asking for a "date" or private correspondence, etc., or embarrassed by the public expressions of appreciation or romance, as someone was at Gaudiya Discussions. I was also uncomfortable with some of the talk at Istagosthi about the young women posting there.

So, if I see this experiment of a dating sort of topic degenerating quickly into an atmosphere that people are becoming uncomfortable with, I reserve the right to step in and close it or take any other steps required to bring a feeling of safety and order back to the forum.

That said, I see no reason why single people can't simply express that they are open to getting to know one another with an eye to compatibility and the future, and are open to private messages from their preferred gender. (Yes, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered members are all just as free to make use of this topic.)

The guideline is: No means no. As soon as someone wishes to stop corresponding or participating in any way, that must be respected. If someone isn't interested after your first private message, stop messaging them.

If the messages progress and eventually are going to become sexual in nature, it's time to take it to email and not involve the forum messaging system.

Keep in mind that one can block Private Messages from particular members. Feel free also to report any situations you feel unable to deal with alone. Keep a copy of any correspondence you find offensive.

[0Srijiva0]

...Match Maker, Match Maker, make me a match...(something a something)...catch me a catch...

Good people of GR.....what a nice idea. Tapati is right that everyone should PUH-LEEEZ BE CAREFUL and do a little research about who you may want to meet. I had a friend a few years ago who was being charmed by another member of a forum we were in. He convinced her to fly to the USA from UK and go camping with him in Yosemeti, despite my pleas for her not to do it (I had my suspicions about this guy) When they got up there he got really weird on her and when he saw things were not "going his way", he started calling her terrible names, demanded money from her and then finally ditched her...left her in Yosemti National Forest all alone...could you imagine? She is lucky he didn't physically harm her. But the emotional & psychological abuse was horrific.

My point is this..if we are great people, there are other great people who will attest to this...who would be happy to give a good character reference. Please consider asking for some? Anyone who is decent would certainly understand your wanting to be careful.
I am certain everyone here is a cut above the rest, the cream of the crop...so please don't take my concern as a generalizing judgement about anyone. I was just recalling a bad instance.

When I go and buy some cream, I always check the expiration date....just incase.

SO I support Metamorphisis propostion...and I especially like the idea he suggests about others helping those still searching...that is good commune.

[Preyobrazhenya]

I propose that someday we could plan some type of GR campout or other event. This would provide a group setting for people to meet each other and since other people would be around, it would be safe. It would be a good opportunity for everyone, whether or not they are looking for that someone special.

Hint, hint - great State Park campground: Bear Brook State Park in Allenstown, NH, in between Manchester and Concord, NH:
http://www.nhstateparks.org/ParksPages/Bea...BearBrkCmp.html.

[Dhyana]

One more to add to Tapati's list of caveats: if a member expresses interest in finding a mate and later gets a PM from someone on another topic, please do not assume the PM is related to that request and that the person is too shy to say it.

An unrelated PM is an unrelated PM.

[0Srijiva0]

I just wanted to re-iterate that I think Metamorphisis' proposal is keen and I hope something becomes of it. This is a fabulous rescource if you want it to be...I hope my earlier post doesn't discourage or freak anyone out...I Sorry... nor was intending to warn against anyone in particular, save maybe that one I spoke of, if he should ever show his face around here :glare:

Ain't love grand?

[metamorphosis]

We figured such a process might happen organically between members who discover that they share interests.

You mean like, a little more moisture in the air helps one to be in a better mood? Therefore naturaly attracted to someone else's writing? Too bad that estabilishing a partnership is not more like tuning a drum! Now that is something I am good at!

Jaya radha- madhava kunja- bihari
gopi- jana- vallabha giri- vara- dhari
jasoda- nandana, braja- jana- ranjana
jamuna- tira- vana- cari

I can always get her into a good mood!

Good at tuning, bad at keeping the beat when it gets going! So how would that translate into a relationship, good at tuning bad at playing?

[metamorphosis]

woops! edit post.......
But the TP. says that I am "married to the cows"! what can be done?

[Brainiac]

I always used to advise people to circulate in similar communities; if you are a devotee and looking for a devotee mate, it might be a good idea to look within the devotee community as potential mates are more likely to have similar interests to yours. Be aware though, as everyone ultimately has a different personality and similar interests may not mean much after all.

On the other hand they say that opposites attract, I wouldn't know.

Anyone checked out vedicmarriage.com ?

[Tapati]

I met Dave at work, and while we don't seem to have a lot in common other than music and politics (well, and computers) we immediately got along well. I had created a personals ad before meeting him and what I thought I had to have was a bit different, so sometimes we just can't figure it out. Fate may have to intervene.

[metamorphosis]

I met my current girlfriend in an internet chatroom, and I consider myself quite lucky to find someone whose interests are so close to mine

On the other hand they say that opposites attract, I wouldn't know.

Anyone checked out vedicmarriage.com ?

Match List
Username: Points Match
revati_33 84 (of 100)
shaktisunya 83 (of 100)
Lali 83 (of 100)
vilasini 83 (of 100)
devotee_mom 83 (of 100)
shelly 82 (of 100)
rasadasa 81 (of 100)
deyanira 81 (of 100)
natasha 81 (of 100)

[Brainiac]

9 girls? Not bad, not bad at all!

[metamorphosis]

9 girls? Not bad, not bad at all!

Yeah 9 but not one who would want to live in a farm, on the hill, up in the north east!

[Milla]

A friend of mine met her husband on ICQ, when she clicked on random chat and the computer selected him. They got on very well from the first chat and a few months later he traveled some 2000 km to see her. She said she was quite nervous about their first meeting in the flesh because she had had a very disappointing experience with another guy she met on the internet. No matter how much virtual chemistry may be there (enhanced by exchanging photos and phone conversations), there is no guarantee that it would translate into real life one. We evaluate people differently when we actually see them.

In my friend's case, the chemistry with the previous guy was one-sided, he fell in love with her while she couldn't stand him and felt terrible while trying to think how to word her feelings in a way that won't hurt him. But with the guy who became her husband, it simply clicked again and louder when they met. Their online chemistry was another aspect of their overall compatibility.

[0Srijiva0]

I romanticised the idea of getting married when I was 16. Since then I have proposed 5 times, been engaged 5 times. I was terrible at communicating my feelings and was very insecure in relationships.

I am now happily married to my one and only-ever wife who proposed to me.
I met my wife in AA. We both were terribley lonely. We knew alot of people but niether of us had a best friend..someone to pal around with. We started out as best friends and the romantic element gradually developed. I have never been insecure with her, no noisey head, no jealousy... We had alot in common, yet socially, we kind came from different backgrounds... I was like punk-rock surfer boi & she was like Rolling Stones Jean Jacket Joan Jett Rocker Chick...(if you are familiar with early 80's Orange County California Nu Romantiques Vs. Rockers, you may get what I mean). I didn't think she was my "type" (I am still trying to convince her to shave her head, just once, for me, pretty please)

She proposed to me a few months after I told her I could see us being together to the end...It felt so right that I said yes
We have been inseperable really ever since . It got rocky when she thought I was going to run off to become a monk...but thankfully I have demonstrated my love for grhastha life. I am luckiest boi second to Brainiac. It is my hope everyone finds their best friend as well.

I had a good friend who had a great knack for meeting girls in chat rooms. He was a riot, but down to earth and very open plus a great writer. I myself have always had a ruff go at trying to develope online friendships...so I can only imagine what a challenge it could be in finding romance/partnership via the net.

[Preyobrazhenya]

9 girls? Not bad, not bad at all!

Yeah 9 but not one who would want to live in a farm, on the hill, up in the north east!

Did you try asking them all?

You are right, however, to look for someone who wants to live on the farm, as you do. If that is an important part of your life and identity, then you can't be with someone who intially "goes along" with it, but ultimately isn't in it for the long haul. It just won't work because the one thing that doesn't work in relationships is trying to change the other person.

Let me share with you all a true story of a friend of mine. Back in the 90's a good friend of mine was looking to be married. He wanted to be a priest and in the Orthodox Church if you want to be a priest and be married, you have to get married before becoming a priest. You can't become a priest and then get married.

In any case, we attended a gathering for an icon exhibit. The woman hosting the exhibit was studying to be a deacon in the Episcopal Church. At the exhibit, the woman's daughter came up to me and asked me who the the man sitting in the corner was. This was my friend. I could see the interest in her eyes and knowing that my friend was rather shy around women and at the very least needed experience dating women I thought that I might try to hook them up. So I told the girl right off the bat that:
1. he was actively looking for a wife.
2. he wanted to be a priest.
3. he would have to marry an Orthodox woman in order to become a priest.

In short, I told her that unless she was willing to accept these three things about him, she really shouldn't expect anything. She responded that she had in fact been interested in the Orthodox Church and would consider marrying a priest. So I briefly introduced her to my friend. Before we left that night, I got her phone number and promised to pass it on to my friend.

So we got in the car to go back to my apartment and I told my friend that I had a date for him. I gave him the number and told him to call her. Initially, he was reluctant because she wasn't Orthodox, but then he decided to try just so he could get some experience dating.

To make a long story shorter, they ended up dating and "falling in love" very quickly. Starry eyed, the girl agreed to convert before marrying. The had a rather short engagement and married perhaps 9 months after meeting each other.

At first things seemed fine, but as time progressed the woman didn't really want to be Orthodox and didn't want to be married to a priest. My friend's hopes of ever becoming a priest have been dashed. Their marriage has been on the rocks for years and it is only the fact that they have 3 children that they try to work it out. My friend is crushed. He not only cannot share his faith with his wife, but he cannot even perform the vocation he feels called to.

What was really going on was that the woman thought that she could change him once they were married. It was more or less a show. Both are miserable. The bottom line is that you can't expect to change someone and think that somehow getting married will force them. It is a recipe for misery.

So my advice is to not compromise on what is important to you. Some things may not be important and you need to know what you can live with and what you can't live with. For myself, I also thought that once I married, I would get my husband to want to live on a farm. I hoped to go back to Gita Nagari. But my ex grew up in NYC and to him even downtown Boston seemed like a rural area. So again, no one should think that they can change the other person.

The other ingredient that I have found to be necessary for a good marriage is that I think that in-laws need to be able to get along. Either that, or both parties need to be far away and distant from the troublesome parents. The in-law factor was also a factor in my own marriage not working out and I have seen it at work in many others. My ex's family didn't like me and my family didn't like him - of course I don't think anyone could get along with my mother... a big factor why I don't think I should ever remarry.

[Tapati]

Since we do have quite a few new members, I wanted to revive this topic in case anyone is interested. The forum as a whole may not be for finding a romantic partner, but this topic is a fine place for that.

Please read the beginning posts for some guidelines.

[0planetpriya0]

This is really great, I have been married three times and am looking to change my usual taste in partner I joined up here because I have been told I am extremely difficult to live with so I figured that I will need someone very tolerant and perhaps enlightened, I really like Indian food and religion and hot weather. I am sorry that I can't always discuss with great knowledge on many of the "hot" topics but I am trying to learn, you all mostly seem like interesting and learned people and I will lurk awhile hoping that some of it may rub off

Great respect and Awe

Priya

[0Oneiros0]

This is really great, I have been married three times and am looking to change my usual taste in partner I joined up here because I have been told I am extremely difficult to live with so I figured that I will need someone very tolerant and perhaps enlightened, I really like Indian food and religion and hot weather. I am sorry that I can't always discuss with great knowledge on many of the "hot" topics but I am trying to learn, you all mostly seem like interesting and learned people and I will lurk awhile hoping that some of it may rub off

I imagine that anyone whose location is "south pole" is hard to live with.