Constructive suggestions, How do you calm down over debates? Options

[Kalisurfer]

Master debaiting should only be performed in private - like in front of a web cam.

Perhaps if membership rules stated that we all had to have web cams on our computers in order to post on GR, with the added stipulation that we had to sit in front of them naked while typing, there would be more no fights, debates or flame wars? Not to mention, we could charge non-members to watch and make millions while retiring to Las Vegas where everyday would be a GR reunion day!!!!

”If people can't face up to the fact of other people being naked, ... instead of pretending to be what they aren't, there would be peace."
John Lennon

[Homer]

Master debaiting should only be performed in private - like in front of a web cam.

Perhaps if membership rules stated that we all had to have web cams on our computers in order to post on GR, with the added stipulation that we had to sit in front of them naked while typing, there would be more no fights, debates or flame wars? Not to mention, we could charge non-members to watch and make millions while retiring to Las Vegas where everyday would be a GR reunion day!!!!

”If people can't face up to the fact of other people being naked, ... instead of pretending to be what they aren't, there would be peace."
John Lennon

Go Lennon!!!

If people posted while naked then they would risk getting more than their foot in their mouth!

[Homer]

And then we could unite the Vaisnava family as we would all (50%) be boner-fide.

[Emma]

maybe it would be a good idea to stop starting the flame wars then?

Yea I kinda burnt from it all...

I was doing vipassana meditation daily and it droped off with all these flame wars...

I'm gonna start up again starting today..

nice hot tea helps too

[babu]

that's so nice harry potter is getting into the peace movement

[Tapati]

I would also like to suggest that when a flame war erupts, assigning blame for starting it is not productive. Rather, it is time for each participant to look inward to see how he or she contributed to the atmosphere that nurtured and supported the flames and allowed them to find combustible fuel.

[Emma]

You are right it is not productive I just thought it was ironic that one of the main protagionists in the flame war posted that...

[Tapati]

Drown in cuteness:

Attached image(s)

 

[metamorphosis]

Drown in cuteness:

Cat and Cow snuggle @Protectacow!

Protectacow's Cyrus getting kisses from the Cows and Bulls!

[0ann geee0]

what if we had a GR masturbation day or something? something like this:

http://www.nowscape.com/mast/mast_day.htm

this way we could all unite in a positive way, replace anger with lust, and shirk off the silly repressions of our old faith together.

nothing like a hot orgasm to make a GR debate seem completely insignificant!

[metamorphosis]

what if we had a GR masturbation day or something?  something like this:

this way we could all unite in a positive way, replace anger with lust, and shirk off the silly repressions of our old faith together. 

nothing like a hot orgasm to make a GR debate seem completely insignificant!

Nice idea Ann Geee! Actually if you think about it, the Mods made you and Open Mind take down your good avatars, that helped us do just what you are talking about.

So i blame the recent flame wars on the Mods and their Puritan Ideas of Avatars for the recent flame wars.

Mr. Bates son, Master Bates!

[metamorphosis]

Why is there no "Edit" button in this thread?

[Tapati]

For awhile, the edit time limit is going to be set at 15 minutes after you've created a post. It will be changed back at some point to a longer period of time. There used to not be a limit at all.

[babu]

some territory is in dispute

the males seem genuinely concerned

in the commotion, the land becomes vacant and charred

high above, clouds meander in their pointless ways

i wonder, when will we stop fighting over mother earth?

[0Open Mind0]

what if we had a GR masturbation day or something?  something like this:

http://www.nowscape.com/mast/mast_day.htm

this way we could all unite in a positive way, replace anger with lust, and shirk off the silly repressions of our old faith together. 

nothing like a hot orgasm to make a GR debate seem completely insignificant!

Cool idea. We could even organize some video chat so that we can see each other while doing it. When will the first "Gaudiya Circle Jerk" take place?

[Tapati]

In the past couple of weeks I've been working with some friends to help start a pagan discussion board. Not that there aren't a lot of them, but we wanted something different out of ours. I'm not going to be a mod because this board takes the bulk of that time, but I am working in an advisory capacity.

I was writing about flame wars because we realized some of us were defining them somewhat differently. I realized that what I wrote might have be of some use to members here when thinking of flame wars or how not to start one. We were talking about debates that can be highly emotional and yet civil vs. flame wars. So here it is:


Let me take the emotional-to me-example of welfare debates. I started out my online life with a bunch of libertarians and liberals leavened with a few conservatives all on a university text-based unix forum. I was older than most of the others and a welfare mom at that time, finishing up my B.A.

Debate example number one was not, to my mind, a flame war although it was somewhat painful for me at times. It involved a discussion of what to do about welfare, whether it should even exist, and in fact whether welfare kids ought to be brought into the world at all. While this was personally meaningful to me and everyone involved knew my situation, I did not take this topic as a personal attack and in fact we all managed to keep it civil even though it was very contentious and I was taking on what I saw as some very privileged libertarians (some whose background I knew for a fact was upper-middle-class while my mom was a poor single parent also) who had no clue about things like learned helplessness.

Debate example number two did devolve into a flame war although it started out to be about bicycle helmet laws and began on a civil note. Again this was a very personal topic for me as everyone knew--my son was severely injured in a bicycle accident when he did not wear his helmet. I was advocating for helmet laws for kids up to the age of 18. When I appeared to be debating somewhat more effectively than our visitor from a university in Texas, logged in remotely, at some point he decided to get personal. He said something to the effect of, "I wish I could be a welfare mom like you and get a free ride to go to school." (More long-winded than that but that was the gist.) At that point our civil debate did take a turn into personal attack and I didn't have to retaliate in kind--several people did so before I even logged in and saw his post. And they did so in fine flame war style with personal attacks and even demands that he not return to our board.

I fully understand that vigorous debate will cause hurt feelings inadvertently. I still believe that keeping it on the issues rather than making personal attacks is required if a board is to thrive. Will a topic feel personal to someone who has an obvious stake on one side or other? Sure. But I think there is a difference between a topic that genuinely wishes to explore solutions to something like welfare and a topic that is a "gotcha" topic to tweak the only welfare mom on the board. Or the only whatever, or the few whatevers are on the board.

Of course sometimes a post that is meant as genuine is taken as a "gotcha" post and explanations are required. That's only natural when communicating across micro or macro cultures and without body language and voice tones.

I think, though, that anyone operating a board has some responsibility to consider the emotional well-being of the participants and not let people be routinely brutalized. So I believe it is necessary to think about how to accomplish the goal of open and productive debate and still keep emotional and psychological pain to a minimum.

Members, of course, bear the primary responsibility for their own well-being and should be encouraged to consider their needs at any given time. People start out with different tolerance levels for conflict and that level can vary according to state of mind, life events, etc.